BLOG – Dr. Tarul Jadhav

BLOG POSTS

Is mother hood a blessing or a burden in these days ?

Most mothers these days are coming from nuclear set up, very few might be have a joint family set up. Nevertheless, with the changing times what has been observed by me is that the support system has collapsed or isn’t as strong and dependable. The mothers are working too, with depleted support system, expected to perform similar roles in less time frame single handedly. They do. They are programmed by family, society to do so and not say no or ask for help. The result is a overburdening that she does and over time gets bitter and resentful. She may go into people pleasing, most mothers invariably do to feel included and not appear odd or out casted. And this pretending is also a stress. Subtle stresses accumulate over years and gradually she sees her body move from complaints like acidity, insomnia, joint pains, to cancer too. So, its no longer a blessing if she has to behave like a post-dated version and do things that her mother did or grandmother did in this era.

I don’t find time to manage daily chores, how can we find time to look after myself ?

Male and females have only 24hrs in a day. We have to decide our priorities. If you cannot find time now, attend to your body needs now, its not going to even cry for help until you reach an irreversible damage. Unfortunately, then we cry for the fear of death less but for the fear of who will look after my kids when I am gone. No one can match you. Never. And knowing that it becomes all the more vital that you attend to your self first. If you are fit and fine only then can you take care of other nicely till you want. Yoga clearly stated that the duty towards self should be the first duty and then should come duty towards your loved ones and others. It’s not selfish, its self-love, its filling your cup first to fill others. You can’t give anyone anything if your own cup is empty.

I stay in a joint family; I don’t think it looks nice to just think about me and my health when I have so many people to be looked after

As I said, its very essential that you look after your own self. Understand you are doing so because you love your family. And also, if you happen to be outside, or unwell or out station, or worst-case scenario dead, would you like your family to suffer in your absence because you made them too dependent an you. Or would you be happy to see them happy, self sufficient and thriving in challenging times too. You would I believe. And so, it’s important that instead of overburdening yourself with duty towards them, you delegate duties and, in a way, enhance their skills too. It might be tough to begin with, but it prepares them for a better future and doesn’t keep them handicapped. They learn to adapt and also respect your work, efforts and time when they know what it is to become responsible.

Why is a mother’s stress management important in current era and what are the benefits of developing resilience?

Stress has benefits, both positive and negative. However not everyone is wired to take the positive side of stress. Therefore, its important that the resilience towards stress be developed towards stress. Challenges will be there till we live and will continue after we are gone so long as there is humanity race. We survive through the challenges through our coping mechanisms. Not necessarily every challenge will be like COVID or Tsunami or earthquake. They could be as small as shifting to a new house, additional member in family, encounter with an abuser, being told to people please or made to wait or disrespected or no help given, etc. The impact of these challenges stays for long. And they make us more prejudiced and susceptible to similar such events and confirm our beliefs. And invariably as these mothers grow the bitterness and resentment now spills into their kids, spouse and daughter or son in law…. Daughter in law especially coz she was treated the same way. And then she continues the legacy too. Here however if the mother realizes that the stress is a reaction, the events happening can be dealt as challenges, her mindset changes and she begins on a journey of breaking the generational trauma that she was going to be subjected to. Result, the kids see her reaction, and learn events can be dealt with instead of blaming, cursing, crying, criticizing or cribbing. They become more forgiving because the mother doesn’t hold the grudge and learn to find solution instead of sitting in silence and giving up. Now wont the atmosphere in the house be healthier and happier. Won’t this happiness reflect in their performances in every area of life. It will. And so I believe mothers can easily break the generational traumas if they learn to develop resilience which again is a life long learning and unlearning experience, but it gets easier and better as one grows with practice.

How are you helping mothers manage their stress?

Actually, it’s not a simple quick fix… It needs a wholistic regime and if not done so, the person comes back again because they remain ill-equipped to deal with challenges in their life. So, for the ones who need medical attention can take medicinal line of treatment. I prefer however that they don’t consider that to be the end of it. Once their aches, pains and the severity of complaints subside I coach them through their stress and guide them with the integrated approaches I have learnt over the years from my mentors. Be it yogic techniques, grapho-therapy, and other modalities of healing. I get it incorporated and it differs from person to person, when and how its incorporated. I keep guiding initially until they are able to manage things on their own. Most don’t need me later. And that’s the time when its achieved. They are happy and can deal and take decisions that don’t cripple but empower them. Health from every area of life in toto.